I push him away and he comes back harder. There is a wholeness I feel with him but it makes me crazy. I don’t want it. I feel as if it’s too slick. It’s too good. It can’t be. It can’t last.
I whisper I want him gone and he screams back at me to make him. It’s completely childish and makes me laugh out loud. I can’t set limits with him. I don’t want to set limits with him.
I walk away at wits end and he runs to me getting in my face to fight with me. He knows I hate this. Why do I allow him to do it? I don’t tolerate this sort of thing. His argument, no longer childish, actually turns intellectual and I’m thinking.
I fall to my knees exhausted and emotional but he jerks me to my feet still staring into my eyes expecting an answer but I don’t remember there ever being a question.
I say no and he says yes in that hard edgy voice that gives me chills and makes my blood dance. My cheeks turn red and my body immediately responds. My mind focuses on him and one thing becomes so clear in that moment.
This man provokes love in me and I’m beginning to crave it. I’m embarrassed. Provoking love is too similar to manipulation, it’s time for me to move on.