When I’m Gone

I’m not afraid of dying.  No, what I think about most is how you’ll feel when I’m gone.  You’ll think things like: did I love her enough? did I tell her enough?  did she know?

The answer is no.  The answer will always be no.  It will never be enough.  Even if I live another 50 years, I will want to hear it and feel it a billion more times because that’s how much I love you.

You are my first thought upon waking and my last before dreaming.  You are my light and my stars.  If I could I would capture the wind for you just to see it ruffle your hair in that way I love when you feel it and smile.  I would kill for you.  I would die for you.  I have fought for you for 13 years with every fiber of my being and I will continue to do so until the day I don’t draw breath.  You gave me faith and hope in people again.  You proved to me that love exists.

Everything about the man you are is brilliance and I’m so very proud that you are mine.  You are beauty and grace.  You will always be my blonde haired,  blue eyed boy.  Your intelligence is already excessive and your humor knows no bounds.  I fell in love with you within minutes of meeting you.  Your strong will and dominance in every situation has proven to save me on so many occasions you’ll never know how grateful I’ve been to have you in my life.  You’re the only person who’s said to me “I’ll never leave you, I’ll never let you down” and meant it.

I look at you with such emotion sometimes that I can’t even hold it in because I know one day soon I’m going to lose you and my heart is split in two.  One side breaks but the other is filled with joy for you because you’ll finally be finding your own wings and making your own choices.

You are my son.  The answer is no.  The answer will always be no.  It will never be enough.  Even if I live another 50 years, I will want to say it and I will want you to feel it a billion more times because I love you, I love you, I love you.

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Published by: allinduetime1

Beginning to write again after several years of being in the corporate world. A few of my posts are old stories I wrote in high school or earlier. Most are new. I like to write emotionally. I like to write things that are close to me or hit hard for me at different moments. I write everything, anything, whatever comes to mind. Some stories are true, some are fantasy. Mostly, I write for me, so that I'm relevant to me, so that I remember. Feel free to let me know what you think. I love feedback.

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