Just being alone in the open with my horse, it’s like a communion – not with God, I don’t believe in that anymore, not since that night so long ago when he didn’t answer my screams for help. This communion is something so much more, something deeper, more pressing, it’s a binding of my soul with myself and with the universe.
It’s like sitting on top of Trooper out there in the field alone I get this feeling in my chest. It gets real tight to the point of pain. My eyes tear up and get to just that place where they want to fall but stay there on my lashes. My sinuses burn and tingle throughout my entire face like I’m going to burst out crying.
I don’t cry, I can’t cry but a stillness comes over me and it’s like Trooper feels it too, she’s so quiet and calm. I can hear everything and the feeling that takes over feels infinite and I just breathe through it and every breath brings chills along my arms and spine raising the fine curls along my neck. I feel free. I feel lost.